Everything Else is Just Bullshit

Usually all the posts in this blog are relevant only to those with IC or another chronic health issue, but I feel like this post is something many other people can relate to as well. This thing call life, it is filled with tons of surprises, not all of them good. Sometimes there is only so much a person can take.

Each day you rise and face whatever your daily routine may be. Your routine no matter if it be ideal or simply just bearable becomes the norm, you adjust. But then there comes a time when life throws a wrench in the road. Maybe one wrench isn't enough. Maybe two, three or four wrenches get thrown at you all at once. 

Crisis and hardship can be devastating for anyone, but I think when you already suffer from chronic pain, it makes it even harder. Sometimes it can feel like you are climbing up hill with a ball and chain locked around your ankle just to survive the new route your life has decided to take without your permission.  

There are lots of messed up people and things in this world. Sometimes it can feel like it is your job to fix everyone and everything---it isn't. Unfortunately, many people with the best of intentions wind up in the worst of places. Even at your most selfless moments you can find yourself preaching to a choir that just won't listen.


Some people in this world are destructive. Instead of getting help for their own issues (and we ALL have issues of some kind) they drag people down in order to make themselves feel better. Remember that you are not a punching bag. 

There is only so much burden you can carry as one person. There are only so many mountains you can conquer, there are only so many people that you can make smile. After a while it is too much for just one person to deal with. You deserve help carrying life's load. If you realize this too late the consequences can be devastating.  


It is important to know when to step back and say "ENOUGH". Life is meant to be lived, not to break you down limb by limb.


If you feel that your life is spiraling out of control, stop, take a deep breathe and re-evaluate. 


Always remember to put your health first. If you don't put your health first, you will come in last. If you already have IC or any other medical condition mental or physical you can make your conditions worse by taking on too much. If you are perfectly healthy, you want to stay that way. Excessive stress can put you on the sad path to sickness.


After you have your health in check, focus on your loved ones: your significant other, your parents, your children, your siblings, your TRUE friends etc. You need good people in life to laugh with during the good times and hold your hand during the bad. You can do the same for them. 


And what about everything else in life? Sometimes there comes a point when everything else is just bullshit.

Sick? Not Sick? The IC Cycle of Hell

Some medical conditions come on and then are cured for good. Other medical conditions may make someone incapacitated every single day. IC falls into a group of conditions where you can have good days and bad days. There is no one steady IC cycle. IC is an unpredictable beast. Although many patients do have SOME IC symptoms every single day, most patients go through flares and that is when they feel the sickest.


When a patient is not flaring the person may be pain free or just experiencing minor symptoms or low level pain. During times like this it can be easy for a person to complete normal tasks: working, shopping, socializing etc. When a flare strikes however that same person may find herself living in the bathroom or the bedroom. Flares can make urination frequency out of control and put bladder and pelvic pain at a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10. It can be really hard for an IC patient to know just when a flare will happen. While some people know what their triggers are (certain foods, stress etc.) there is no solid way to avoid or predict a flare. Many times it can seem like a flare comes on for no reason.

How long does a flare last? Unfortunately, there is no way to tell. Flares sometimes last hours and other times last days. Some people are in so much pain and agony during a flare that they can barely walk from the living room to the bathroom, let alone do anything else.

This is the most confusing part of IC for many family members and friends of an IC patient. It can be REALLY hard for a person to understand how his or her loved one seemed perky on Monday and by Wednesday is in so much pain that the IC-er is considering going to the ER. 

It is important to remember that even when an IC-er is not flaring and seems happy it doesn't necessarily mean the person is completely comfortable. Some people can get their pain at a zero and frequency under control when they are not flaring and other patients can not. Some IC-ers have to develop a new normal. If a person can never get his or her pain below a 3, then that person adapts and finds ways to complete activities when his or her pain is at a 3. But everyone has a limit. When pain starts to creep up to a higher level, typically 8 or above for many, there is just no way for normal activities to be completed.


IC is still such a mysterious illness. No one hates the mystery more than us IC patients. Before IC I was a planner. Everything always had to be planned way in advance and executed just right or I couldn't take it. IC has taken that away from me. I still try to plan things, but sometimes they don't always work out as planned due to the IC cycle of hell. I never know when a flare will hit so hard that I simply can't get out of bed.


If you have a friend with IC please show compassion. I know it can be frustrating if he or she bails on something at the last minute, but your friend can not help it.

I realize it can be hard to accept that your loved one is sick especially since he or she likely looks fine from the outside. The most important thing to remember is that IC-ers are still people, people with feelings and we just want acceptance and understanding until the medical world catches up with us and finds a cure. So if we are sick one day and fine the next we are not faking, we are stuck in the IC cycle of hell.

What It Feels Like to Have Interstitial Cystitis

This post is not pretty. This post is not sugar coated. This post is scary, this post is raw, this post is real. That's what IC is, it's scary, raw and real. That's also what life is at times. 

So what does it feel like to have IC? 

It hurts, it hurts like effin hell. Imagine someone taking a tub of battery acid and throwing it over your bladder when you least expect it, that's how it feels. When you have IC there can be so much pressure weighing on your bladder that it feels you are going to throw up and now and then, you do.

IC can feel like someone is taking a knife or a hot poker and stabbing you in your genitals over and over and over again. Some other days it may feel like a million pins are stabbing your genitals. Don't forget about the electric shock type nerve pain that can come with IC. Sometimes you may jump out of your chair or make a noise as that painful, electric pulse sears through your genitals, pernieum, spine and bladder.

Sometimes IC can make you feel like your pee or your genitals are truly on fire. There are very few ways to put out this fire. Medicines, creams, gels etc. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. IC can make it hard to sit for a long period of time because sitting causes pressure on the pelvic and bladder region making symptoms worsen.

If you have IC sometimes you will get the overwhelming urge that you have to pee maybe one, two or three times an hour (or more for some). You will stop whatever you are doing and RUN to the bathroom. If you ignore this urge b/c there is no bathroom available you will be in intense pain. Once you get to the bathroom you sit there miserable. Even though your body is saying that you MUST go, sometimes retention gets in the way and it can take ten minutes for the urine to come out. Finally, you have relief (maybe a lot of urine came out, maybe only a few drops) but not for long as you may be doing this same activity again in an hour if not sooner.

This illness can make you itch and have spasms in places you never imagined. These spasms can make it hard to walk from one room to another. Concentrating as your bladder spasms can be near impossible at times.

IC an make you fatigued all the time. Living in pain is hard. Living in pain can make getting up or taking a shower a challenge. Chronic pain wears the body down. You may see many people with IC doing normal things: shopping, working, driving, dining out. It doesn't mean they don't hurt. When an illness has no cure, you do what you have to do and smile to mask the pain. 


Having IC can lead to depression and anxiety. IC can cause you to need more time to rest and it can prevent you from being able to participate in certain activities. Friends and family may not understand. The lack of understanding can make you feel isolated leading to more depression and anxiety, it's a vicious cycle. Also, not knowing where bathrooms are when you leave the house can be a big trigger of IC anxiety.

These are the main symptoms, there can be many others. This disease is ugly. This illness is a monster. This illness wants to dominate and win, but you must refuse to let it win.

This post was not pretty. This post was not sugar coated. If you didn't like it b/c you thought it was too blunt, too honest or too gross then maybe you can't handle life. Not all parts of life are rainbows and sunshine. 

IC hurts. IC is depressing. IC is not pretty, but IC is real.