IC Rebel for a Day

So tomorrow I am going to attempt to be an IC rebel for the day. Like many people with IC my social life has suffered b/c of this illness. When I was in college I was the life of the party. I danced on stages, I went out several nights a week until 4 in the morning, I downed way too many cocktails. Having IC this lifestyle is no longer an option. IC is exhausting. IC limits what you are supposed to eat and drink. Having IC can sometimes feel like a full-time existence in itself.

At 27 I don't want to behave like a college student all the time anyway. It gets old fast and I have so many more responsibilities than before, but it would be nice to have the option on occasion. Sometimes I feel very limited and I hate it. I am often tired and cranky from the pain.

I know I have it good compared to some people with IC. I am able to write online which keeps me very busy. I also go out to dinner a lot with friends who never make fun of my seat cushion. And of course I have my wonderful fiance who likes to accommodate my  feelings and abilities when picking activities. I know there are some people who can barely get out of bed b/c of IC or pelvic pain so I don't mean to sound ungrateful for my life. I literally feel their pain. In 2009,  I was barely able to function or leave my couch for 3 months when I had undiagnosed Vulvodynia and pelvic floor dysfunction. 

Even though my life is better now than in 2009, it's still not the same as before my health problems started. I am comfortable in my new normal, but sometimes I miss my old normal even if only for a day. I miss the freedom of being totally healthy. I definitely took it for granted. 

So tomorrow I plan to be an IC rebel for a day for my best friend's birthday.  I am going to attempt to go out without my seat cushion. I am going to drink potentially acidic alcoholic beverages. I am going to dance. I am going to attempt to ignore any aches and pains I may get. I am going to stay out late. I am going to try with all my might to pretend that my pain doesn't exist.

Will I be in a huge flare on Sunday as a result? Most likely. Will I be exhausted? Definitely. Is it a stupid thing to do? Probably. Will it be worth it? Without a doubt.

IC and chronic pelvic pain  are here to stay for now since we have no cure, so there will be more bad days no matter what. I figure I may as well attempt to have a few awesome days along the way. I am proud of the new me and all I continue to accomplish despite chronic pain, but sometimes it feels good to know the old me is still in there somewhere.

99% of the time you will find me on my best IC behavior. Some of those days will be happy, some of those days you will find me crying on the couch with a heating pad. But 1% of the time I want the chance to feel like everyone else even if only for a few moments.