Maybe This Isn't As Good As It Gets

Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style.

So I recently found a new doctor and had a Urodynamics test done. The test was not very fun, but they say it can show the doctor a lot of information about how your bladder is working. I am scheduled for a hydrodistention towards the end of the month. I have heard of the hydro being used for diagnosis, so I was unsure at first why I was having one when I already have a diagnosis.

As I went through a lot of the forums and support groups that I belong to, I realized that a hydro also works as a treatment for many people. A hydro temporarily blows your bladder up like a balloon  so that the doctor can look at it better, but it also stretches it in the process. It will definitely cause some post-op pain for a few days after, but once you recover some people actually have reduced symptoms for a few months. Like so many IC treatments, the reduction in symptoms is not equal for all people. Some people may experience no reduction while others can live a better quality of life for six months or more.

I have kind of grown used to the status quo life I have with my IC. Some days I feel great, some days I feel like death. Usually a long and active day out or a night of cocktails will lead to a flare, so I pick and choose when I will do these things knowing that the pleasure of a normal life may lead to pain after. I had decided for a while that this is as good as it gets. That life with IC has to be like spinning a roulette wheel every single day. Sometimes there is no predictability. Once in a blue moon I will get away with a night out with out a flare, but wind up in a flare even if I spent most of the day at home with a heat pack. My type of IC has a lot more to do with muscle spasms and nerve issues than with food triggers, so I don't have many ways to control it food wise.

The thought of the hydro has given me the mind set that maybe this isn't as good as it gets. There may be a way to have reduced symptoms for a longer period of time. Although I will not enjoy the urethral pain I know I will have for the two days following the procedure, it is worth it for me to try. It is worth the gamble. If there is anyway I could have less symptoms during my upcoming bachelorette party, wedding or honeymoon that would be awesome. I know there is no guarantee, but I am glad I am trying. Most other doctors have said to me"this is just your life now". I had grown tired of trying new things. This new doctor and new idea have given me the drive to keep trying to have a better quality of life.

I have learned to do a lot of things through the pain. Sometimes I may even do things I shouldn't or do things that hurt with a smile on my face because I want to live not just simply be alive. But in the end usually even the most fun days end with me curled up with a heating pad at bed time. I thought that was as good as it gets, but I am confident now that it can be better.

The bottom line: never stop fighting for improvement, no matter what your condition. Stay strong. xoxo.