Beauty in the IC Breakdown: I Just Want to Strut

I am getting married on Saturday and I can't wait to feel absolutely beautiful. If a fancy gown and professional makeup job don't make me feel absolutely stunning, nothing will.

I have not given up my love for fashion because of IC by any means. I still do my nails, I still keep up with the latest trends, I still put on makeup when I go out to dinner with my friends or my fiance. But no matter how beautiful I look on the outside, sometimes my insides don't quite match. The pain changes you. 

Before IC I lived to flirt. Even when I was in relationships I would get a thrill from the cute gas station attendant who winked at me or the super sexy bartender who flashed his smile. Now when I am out some place many times it is about surviving. I sometimes rush through shopping trips I used to stroll through b/c of the pain. 

Before IC I had this rule that I never sat down in clubs. I was a nightclub promoter at one point and would be at a club from 9 pm until 2 am wearing heels and not sitting. I know that sounds insane, but at the time I liked it. Standing made me feel more outgoing and sexy. Now  I can't wait to find chairs when I am out socializing. For some reason standing in high shoes in one spot for too long puts a lot of pressure on my body and causes a lot of pain.

Truth be told there is no amount of makeup or Coach bags or expensive boots in the world that can make my pain any less when it strikes. I may look like a fashionable, social queen sitting at the table next to you in a sushi restaurant, but on the inside there is sometimes a part of me who wants to go home and put on my loose pajama pants to make the pain less. 

This Saturday, I just want to strut. I know the outside will look great: I have a dream dress, a hair style chosen and my makeup being done at a nice salon. But I want to feel as equally confident and glamorous on the inside and I will. It is my goal to have the wedding day experience of a bride, not a bride with IC, but just a bride. 

I have Sunday to struggle again. Saturday I will do my best to ignore my condition and just strut.