The Search for "Why?"

Why me??

I think a lot of people with chronic pain of any type search for "the why". Why me? It's a normal thing for people to wonder. I think every thing happens to every person for some type of reason. We may have to suffer on the path to find the reason, but there is a reason nonetheless. Even people without chronic, invisible pain all suffer from some sort of pain at some time or another (emotional or physical). There is a reason for all of this too.

So, me...just a typical woman in my late 20s. Why would God plague me with problems that can be so frustrating and  difficult at times? I have come up with two answers.

The first reason I believe God chose me to have IC is because I am not easily embarrassed by who I am. Many of you blog readers only know me from the web, but in real time I am kind of a unique person. On the outside, I look like a typical Jersey girl: I love purses, fashion, nails and make-up. I don't like those things to fit in, I like those things b/c I think they are awesome. On the inside, I am the complete opposite. I am so quirky I need my own quirk zip code. I'm not quirky as a form of rebellion, I am quirky b/c I truly just like what I like and don't care if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.  I watch indie flicks with twisted plots instead of blockbusters, I think that age is only a number, I am obsessed with the 80s and 90s even though it is the year 2011, I believe in ghosts, I wish I could drive to all 50 states in an RV...the list goes on.

IC is a difficult disease for many to discuss b/c to explain it well and to explain all of its effects you need to talk about what goes on in both the bathroom and the bedroom---two topics considered taboo by a lot of society. I don't care about what is taboo and what isn't. I care about people, I care about health, I care about justice. So many people are out there suffering in silence. I don't like the way many doctors treat IC patients and I am not afraid to say it. I think the little quirks that make me the person I am, give me the personality to speak up about IC.

I think the second reason God chose me to have IC is b/c he also blessed me with the gift of communication. I am a natural writer and communicator. I was a Communications major in college and aced all of my classes with ease. I have been writing for fun since I was 11, was published for the first time at 15 and was paid for my writing for the first time at 19.  I am very blessed in a lot of ways and I truly feel that God wants me to use my skills to speak for people who for whatever reason can't have a voice right now. As bad as IC is at times, I have a lot to be thankful for in this world. I may not be rich, a size two, blonde or famous, but I have a lot of the blessings that matter most. I have a family who loves me, a fiance who understands me and friends who have my back through thick and thin. I have had the opportunity to get a great education and I have access to healthcare.These are all things which should not be taken for granted for one minute. I have gone through a lot of bad times in my life just as everyone else has, but I have come out of each bad situation learning a lot. 

I think one of the biggest lessons I have learned in life is to never stop fighting for what you believe in and I believe that IC is under researched and that women are not treated correctly by all doctors. I think that I have it in me to make a difference. I want to be around for the day when each IC patient can get the right medications for his or her own personal symptoms. I want to meet a girl who gets diagnosed with IC after one or two doctor appointments instead of 15. I believe as long as there are people in the world like me willing to tell their stories, that these things will happen.

I am not perfect and will surely complain about my IC from time to time, but deep down I know I am not suffering for no reason. 

So when you're ready, take a look at your biggest obstacle in life and ask "why me?" The answer may not be easy to find, but the answer is definitely there.