Things NOT to say to Someone with Invisible Pain

Invisible pain, no matter what the underlying cause, is difficult to live with. People with invisible pain do not wish it upon anyone else and don't even expect everyone to understand, but we do like to be treated with common courtesy. You would be surprised at the the number of inappropriate things that can come out of the mouths of some people.

So if you know someone who lives with chronic, invisible pain here is a list of things NOT to say:

1. "But you don't look sick"---Yes, we realize that we don't look sick. It's called invisible pain for a reason. We do not have a rash or a broke bone, but our pain is very real.

2. "I don't get how you're sick, you're out right now"---We can not lock ourselves in the house forever. We need sunshine, air and people sometimes. Sometimes we even go out in pain because we don't want to be lonely or we want to attend events important to our friends and family.

3. "You're pretending to have pain to get attention"---This one just makes me sick. If we wanted attention, we would think of a much less embarrassing way to get it.

4. "My friend has such and such disease, she seems much more active than you"---No two people are the same. Even two people with the same illness.

5. "You're making it up to get pain killers"---You would be surprised to learn how difficult it is for people with terrible pain to even get narcotic pain medications these days. Even if people do get it, it is usually a last resort after most other treatments have been tried. In addition, most people with chronic illnesses have to take a laundry list of non-narcotic medications that cost a ton of money out of pocket a month and have lots of side effects.

6. "It's all in your head"---Muscle pain and nerve pain are real. They are NOT psychiatric conditions. They are caused by legitimate physical issues.

7. "When will you be better?"---Um, let's try we have no clue, possibly never. Chronic conditions are chronic for a reason. They have no known cures yet. Many do have treatments that can trigger temporary remissions, but then the pain can come back. Just because someone has a good day, good week or even a few good months doesn't mean that the person is "better  ".

8. "I don't think that you should eat that / drink that / do that"---We know our diseases better than you do. Just because your sister's cousin's best friend has it, doesn't mean that you get it. 

9. "Why do you go to the doctor so much? You look fine to me"---Hmmm....let's see we must just adore co-pays, tests and needles...NOT. 

10. "I wish I had the luxury of being sick"---Chronic pain is not a luxury, it's a nightmare. We work harder to do everything and anything from housework to grocery shopping to driving to showering it's all harder when you are in pain. Once and a while we may need a short nap in the middle of the day. It's not because we are lazy or spoiled or think we deserve to take a take a nap...we physically pass out from the pain and our laundry list of treatments.