You must be Fine, "You Look So Good"

Being told that you look good is a compliment most of time.  But believe it or not, there is a time when being told you look good can hurt.

When you're a chronic pain patient, it's hard for people to understand what you are going through because most likely your pain is invisible.  Many chronic pain patients will have run ins with people who accuse them of faking or exaggerating their pain because they look so good.

One personal instance I had of this was in 2009 in a urologist office.  I was 25 and in 10+ pain.  I was sitting in the waiting room with my mother. We were the only females there.  We were also the only people under 70. Despite being the youngest person in the room, I was the only person sitting on a special seating cushion.  The waiting room was crowded.  The receptionist called me up to the desk.  "The doctor is backed up today," she told me.  "I think we should move your appointment to another day."  

My eyes swelled with tears as I pleaded with her.  "I am in so much pain and I have waiting several weeks for this appointment," I told her.  "Please don't move my appointment, I don't mind waiting."  

"But you look so good.  You must be fine." she replied.  I stood there, stunned.  

Luckily, my mother's lion protecting her cub instinct kicked in and she got in the woman's face and demanded to speak to a nurse who saved my appointment.  

As I waited, I sat there puzzled and sad.  Maybe I did look fine.  I didn't have any make-up on or anything, but my nails were done.  I had a matching sweatsuit on and puma sneakers.  Although I felt like death, I still wanted to look somewhat put together in public.  I feel like I have every right to take pride in my appearance.

I wish that more people would realize that people with chronic pain have good days and bad days.  But no matter if we are having a pain free day, a day where we are in so much pain we can't stand up or something in between, we are still a person.  We are still the same people we were before diagnosis.  So yes, if we are in our 20s and 30s and have chronic pain, we are still going to wear the styles of anyone else in their 20s or 30s who doesn't have chronic pain.  We shouldn't have to wear a housecoat and slippers to go grocery shopping just so people believe we are sick.  Our pain has taken so much from us, we will not let it take our sense of passion and self-pride too.  

Our parents teach us as children never to judge a book by its cover, but yet as we grow into adults so many people will do just that. I am sure many of those 70 year old men had lots of medical problems, but so did I.  My skin may have been less wrinkled, my clothes may have been a little more vogue, but my insides hurt all the same. 

So the next time you go make a snide comment about someone you know, that they "look too good" to be sick, remember that pain does not discriminate.  

I loved nail polish, handbags and over-sized rings long before pain was a part of my life and I will continue to like these things no matter what the future holds.  A road filled with chronic pain is a hard road to travel.  We may as well walk it looking our best.